Heightened Awareness

With the prospect of a hallucinogenic journey I find myself in a surge of raw emotion. Not only do I feel extricated from my hardened daily shell of determination, but I feel aware. Aware of a stronger connection to individuals’ emotions. A sense of shared understanding. A feeling of uncertainty and fear. Why is it this way?

It happens the moment I decide to strip myself of this existential self, to jump head first into a swirling mass of unified consciousness, of universal understanding. What I seek is knowledge, wisdom, personal insight and understanding. What I fear is the temporary loss of all I have: my love, my self image, all my worldly possessions, sociological significance.

Why is it such sacrifice must be undergone to achieve these gifts. Another route such as meditation may perhaps be taken but it is of equal difficulty. The sheer thought of hours and days of personal discipline, of letting go, of being consciously in the moment is not the easiest for even a moderately experienced person to envision for the extended period of time required to achieve an enlightened state.

It is not without great thought and contemplation that I choose the path I do. For I know, for I have experienced... what taking that leap of faith can bring. It is this knowledge that compels me to do what I do. It is the rational, logical, and egotistical self that brings forth fear.